summer is here
I just got out of bed to go to the bathroom, and halfway through doing my business I noticed a goddamn giant mosquito flying so frantically around me that I can only assume it was having some type of seizure.
Naturally, I freaked out. I was half naked and in the middle of something that couldn’t be quickly abandoned. My swipes weren’t doing much, as I’m sure the thing didn’t notice them because it had no concept of time or space and its only priority was to finish its path to insanity. So I stifled my stream, ran to my bedroom and grabbed a shoe.
I left the door open and it occurred to me that the beast may have left the bathroom, but when I got back the dumb thing was practically tripping on the tiles. I’m pretty sure it thought the bathroom was the entire universe and nothing existed beyond it.
I waited for an opportune moment and struck it with the shoe. A triumphant sigh came over me as I went to finish peeing, eyeing its twisted body to make sure it didn’t surprise me again… and my gaze wasn’t in vain.
The mosquito, despite lacking two of its legs and one of its wings, sprung to life as I went to wash my hands. It writhed with such passion and tenacity as it slung itself little by little in circles on the ground.
So I crushed that bitch with a chair.
